Owning Myself

I keep forgetting what I wish I would remember.
I keep remembering what I wish I could forget.
I wish I could forget YOU.
You took everything and nothing and I cannot forget it.
When will I own myself completely?
I will let myself go.
Your bonds are loosened because I woke up.
I woke up from this nightmare under your control.
You will never affect me again.
I will own myself!
And the holes you left,
The holes that pierced,
That pierced my heart and my mind,
They will heal.
I will heal.
I do not need you and I never did.
I keep forgetting that tonight is not the last night I will see the light.
The light breaks through the walls.
The walls and the barriers that were built as a protection.
A protection from you,
You and your words that stabbed and sliced through my confidence and my strength.
The light is breaking the walls and I WILL OWN MYSELF COMPLETELY.

Inspired by Gandhi

I keep forgetting what I wish I would remember.
I keep remembering what I wish I could forget.
I wish I could forget you.
You, the one who took SO MUCH from me.
You took everything and I cannot forget it.
You still affect me.
When will I own myself completely?
Please let me go.
Let me let you go.
I keep forgetting that tonight is not the last time I will see the light.
I will remember that tonight is not the last time I will see the light.
I wish I could forget you completely.

The Emperor's New Groove

OW: Pacha is just an ordinary guy. The leader of the village who just herds llama all day.  Emperor Kuzco wants to destroy his village. "It's my birthday gift to me!"
Call: Kuzco is turned into a llama (Llama?! He's supposed to be dead!) and winds up on the back of Pacha's wagon. Kuzco wants to be returned to the palace to be changed back into a human. "Hey tiny, I wanna get outta this body wouldn't you?"
Refusal: Pacha says no because Kuzco says he will not change his mind about destroying Pacha's village for a pool.
Mentor: Pacha's wife kinda makes him realize he should go back and talk to Kuzco again
Threshold: Pacha enters the scary forest after Kuzco. "I'm the emperor! and as such I am born with an innate sense of direction."
Tests, Allies, Enemies: Kuzco and Pacha face jaguars, falling off a cliff, alligators, scorpions, bats, even Yzma and Kronk. They also get mad at each other. "Was this woman scary beyond all reason?" "Oh ya!" "Thats Yzma and Kronk! I'm saved!"
Approach: Kuzco and Pacha reunite and make it back to Pacha's house. From there they race to the palace to find the right vile to change Kuzco back. "How did you get back before us?" "By all accounts it doesn't make sense." "Oh well."
Ordeal: Yzma gets the vile and calls her men to attack Kuzco and Pacha. Kuzco is changed into a bunch of different animals in the process of running from Yzma because they grabbed all the viles they could and none of them are labeled. "Please be something with wings!" "Ya we're flying!" "Uh oh." Finally, there are only two left and Kuzco and Pacha have made it onto the roof of the palace. Yzma has followed them however. She gets her hands on the viles but is accidentally changed into a cat! "Is that my voice? Is that MY voice??" Right before Yzma drinks the human potion, Kronk pops out of a trap door and flattens Yzma. Kuzco gets the vile and changes back!
Reward: Kuzco is human again and finally changed his heart. He apologizes to the man from the beginning that threw off his groove. "What can I say, I'm a rebel." Pacha and Kuzco also become best friends and Kuzco builds his summer home somewhere else!

THE END:)

Trapped in a Future that I made for Myself

I am seventeen. I am a senior in highschool. I live with my parents but I start college at BYU in the fall. Right now my day goes wake up, go to school, go to work at the gym, then go home. Its the same. Things will change when I start at BYU but start for the better? I'm not so sure. I will move to Provo but how much will change? I will be 20 minutes away from home. I will still live in Utah. But things will change when he buys my plane ticket. The boy I met that night. That boy I thought I'd never see again. Now he has my plane ticket. A one way ticket to Spain. This is where my life begins.

Is this boy really worth it?
Will I miss Utah and the way I grew up?
What will happen to my family?

Shake the Dust

This is for the fat girls and the anorexic ones too.
STAND UP.
This is for the boys with pretty sisters, the sister who became the mom, the mom who abandoned them.
STAND UP.
This is for the beach bums who thought they could make it; the ski bum who is lonely.
STAND UP.
This is for the boy who was labeled a druggie before he even smoked.
STAND UP. Stand up and YELL. Stand up and TELL THEM you know who you are. You know who you are.
This is for the girl who got pregnant. The boy who impregnated her.
STAND UP.
This is for the ugly twin and the drunken asshole that lost his job and his wife.
STAND UP.
This is for the haters who hate on everyone including themselves.
STAND UP.
This is for the lovers and fighters alike. The peacemaker and the man addicted to war.
STAND UP. Stand up to him; to her; to them. Stand up and BE YOU. Be you and OWN IT. Own it and make sure they KNOW IT.
STAND UP.

Blurbs just to tease you.

ARTHUR (starring Russell Brand)
The only heir to the famous family of Bach is not what investors are looking to put their money into. Vivian Bach, however has discovered a way to make Arthur look more promising: marriage to Susan. Arthur drinks away his sorrows as he meets the girl of his dreams who is not his fiance. Can he give up his fortune for love? Or will he continue to look to the bottom of an empty bottle for comfort?


Better than Revenge (Taylor Swift)
At the beginning of summer, Taylor has found a great relationship that she is excited about. But then, some skank comes in and convinces this boy to cheat on Taylor. Little did this skank know, Taylor was the wrong girl to mess with and she is going to get whats coming to her.

All Summer Long (Kid Rock)
Kid Rock and his buddies like to hang out and party. They don't worry about anything but fun in the sun, beer, and girls. How long can this last? All summer long?

Lose Yourself (Eminem)
A man on stage, he chokes, he can't handle the pressure. His life is too hard, he lives in a trailer and he tries so hard to take care of his family. Can he make it in the music business? Does he have the time to give it his all? Find out in Lose Yourself..

All-American Girl (Carrie Underwood)
A young, newly married couple have just had their first baby. The young father wished for a boy, but as soon as he saw his little girl's face, that all changed. When she reached high school, she met a young man a lot like her father and they fell in love. Eventually, they get married and start their own lives together. Will they have a sweet, little all-American girl as well?

the sixer that apparently guides my life

MEAN by Taylor Swift
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/t/taylor-swift-lyrics/mean-lyrics.html ]
You, with your words like knives and swords and weapons that you use against me
You have knocked me off my feet again got me feeling like I'm nothing
You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard, calling me out when I'm wounded
You, pickin' on the weaker man

Well, you can take me down with just one single blow
But you don't know what you don't know

Someday I'll be living in a big old city
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me
And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?
You, with your switching sides and your walk-by lies and your humiliation
You, have pointed out my flaws again as if I don't already see them
I'll walk with my head down trying to block you out 'cause I'll never impress you
I just wanna feel okay again

I'll bet you got pushed around, somebody made you cold
But the cycle ends right now 'cause you can't lead me down that road
And you don't know what you don't know

Someday I'll be living in a big old city
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me
And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?
And I can see you years from now in a bar, talking over a football game
With that same big loud opinion but nobody's listening
Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things
Drunk and grumbling on about how I can't sing

But all you are is mean
All you are is mean and a liar and pathetic and alone in life
And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean

But someday I'll be living in a big old city
And all you're ever gonna be is mean, yeah
Someday, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me
And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?
Someday, I'll be, living in a big old city
(Why you gotta be so mean?)And all you're ever gonna be is mean
(Why you gotta be so mean?)Someday, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me
(Why you gotta be so mean?)And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?

Setting: After a girl dumps or gets dumped by a mean boy.
Theme: Standing up for yourself, mean boys.
Plot: Taylor is telling a boy that he is just plain mean and he doesn't deserve her anyway and that his life is always going to suck but she is going to become someone.
Characters: Taylor Swift, mean boy
Conflict: The boy was mean to Taylor but she finally got the courage to stand up for herself.

SHE WILL BE LOVED by Maroon 5
[From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/m/maroon-5-lyrics/she-will-be-loved-lyrics.html ]
Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times
But somehow I want more

I don't mind spending every day
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile

And she will be loved
And she will be loved
Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along, yeah
My heart is full and my door's always open
You come anytime you want

I don't mind spending every day
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile

And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
I know where you hide alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls, yeah

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending every day
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile

And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved(Please don't try so hard to say goodbye)
And she will be loved
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
(I don't mind spending every day)
(Out on your corner in the pouring rain)
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye

Setting: Throughout a girl's younger years. At her door, across miles and miles, on a corner in the pouring rain.
Theme: Being a good friend, getting through hard times, and finding love.
Plot: A boy is always there for the girl he loves that has had some hard times and he doesn't want to say goodbye to her. She has had lots of boyfriends and other people in her life but he is always there for her. He wants to love her and show her that she is amazing unlike what she thinks of herself.
Characters: Boy and girl
Conflict: Girl has lots of hard times and doesn't stick with the boy but he wants to love her and be there for her.

Hate Poem by Julie Sheehan

The sound made by my tiniest bones were they trapped
     in the jaws of a moray eel hates you.

Julie Sheehan makes me jealous with this poem because of her imaginitive descriptions. Like this example. Not only are these descriptions truly imaginitive, they convey a feeling. They make me feel the hate she is describing. I think that is what the objective of all writers should be: to make the reader feel the emotion of your words. Sheehan captures every aspect of the feeling of hate and forces it into my mind. I am jealous of Julie Sheehan and her Hate Poem.

I'M SO TIRED.

I'm so tired of eating crappy food. I'm tired of saving my money for college. I'm tired of asking for permission; I DON'T NEED IT. I'm tired of waking up to drag myself to a prison of classrooms. I'm tired of being treated like I can't walk away. I'm tired of making mistakes. I'm tired of my breaking body; I'M ONLY 17. I'm tired of missing you. I'm tired of wearing a mask. I'm tired of speaking in a fake voice to customers I don't even know. I'm tired of being weak. I'm tired of being angry. I'm tired of gossips; of lies; of rumors. I'm tired of feeling so terribly ordinary. I'm tired of being afraid. I'm tired of being graded or judged by people who think they know me; THEY DON'T. I'm tired of being stressed. I'm tired of carrying so many burdens. I'M SO SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SO SICK AND TIRED.

Love is sometimes what you think it is.

Love is falling into a ring of fire. Love is shooting a blow torch at you and then you shoot it back. Love is making a cake and then eating it with you. Love is dancing in the rain to our favorite song.
Love is climbing a waterfall knowing you're next to me. Love is crashing through a jungle just to see your face. Love is tasting a disgusting looking food just because you think its good. Love is when I make you smile. Love is when I embarrass myself so you do the same. Love is singing my heart out just for you. Love is living our own kind of fairytale. Love is a sacrifice that we make for each other. Love is sharing secrets with you. Love is starring in a broadway play side by side. Love is building our rocketship to the moon. Love is facing my greatest fears only because I know you'll catch me if I fall. Love is diving in head first. Love is stealing the stars for our picnic.
Love is me changing for you and you changing for me; for the better. Love is wanting you to be happy no matter what. Love doesn't end, it only grows stronger. Love is you and me.

Common Courtesy

I had an interesting experience this last weekend. Myself along with a few other people (it was a date if you'd really like to know) went to a shabby little place called Nickel City. For those of you who have never experienced the joy of a germ filled, hot and sweaty room stuffed with smelly people, it is an arcade where games cost only a few nickels each. Contrary to their advertisements I might add, but that is besides the point. Another thing you should know about this cute establishment is that the usual crowd of people that regularly attend are what some people might call "white trash." (Of course, I would never use that term--but I did hear it get thrown around a bit while I was there.)

Going in I was prepared for the tidal wave of such people since I have been to Nickel City before, but I was not prepared for the lack of common courtesy from a certain young woman. She was a slightly large woman but I would like to say it would still have bothered any normal person even if she was not large. Anyway. She was playing a game that required her to bend over every few minutes to deposit more nickels. She played this game for quite some time and periodically put more nickels in to continue her game. Every time she bent over to put coins in, her pants that were already too low and also a couple sizes too small for her, would travel a little ways down her butt. Okay, a LOT of ways down her butt. There, I said it.

Her shirt, that was a couple sizes too small as well, would ride up uncovering her sides and back. Can you picture this? If you can, you must understand that this was not a pretty sight. And like I mentioned before, she played this game for a while. It was like blood on the highway--impossible not to look. Now, if she was alone in a dark room with no mirrors, this would be fine behavior. But was she alone in a dark room with no mirrors? No, she was not. She was in a very public place surrounded by many people. I mean seriously. Come on. All I am asking for is a little common courtesy people.

I am walking alone.

I walk alone. I walk alone. The rain is pouring. I don't think it will ever stop. My tears are streaming down my mud covered face. I don't know where I am going, but there is nothing to do but walk, walk alone. Everyone left me behind. I didn't expect it. Who would? I thought they cared. I don't know how long I've been walking. How long I've been walking alone through these empty streets. Time doesn't seem to matter to me anymore. I walk straight down the middle of the road. I walk alone. To my left are the old apartment buildings that they lived in. That we all lived in. Before they left me here. Left me here alone. To my right I see the old mall. It looks more like an abandoned shed now. I used to go to this mall, when it was fantastic and full of life. Just like the rest of this place. But not anymore. I am alone, walking alone. I am surrounded by broken down cars that were left behind. I guess I am a broken down car too, since those are all that was left behind. I climb on top of one of my new kin and scream. Scream until I can't breathe anymore. Of course no one heard me. No one is here but me. I walk alone. Through this once thriving metropolis. All it is now is my boulevard of broken dreams. Mud splashes me with every step I take. I keep my head facing the sky and let the rain blend with my never ending tears. I won't last long this way, all alone. I walk alone and it will kill me. But for now, I walk and walk and walk. All alone. I see a short glimpse of a shimmer behind the clouds. It could only have been my imagination. It was gone in a split second. Just like everyone and everything else. I walk alone with my face to the sky.

I'm Thinking About You

I'm thinking about you. Like a fat boy thinks about cake. Like lightening thinks about thunder. Like popcorn thinks about butter. I'm thinking about you like shoes think about socks. Like fish think about water. Like fingers think about hands. Like Bella thinks about Edward. Like Jacob thinks about Bella. Like turkey thinks about Thanksgiving. Like ham thinks about Christmas. I'm thinking about you like skis think about the snow. Like girls think about diamonds. Like writers think about writing. Like a waterfall thinks about falling. I am thinking about you my dear.

Rock on out.

Rock out like you just learned a new dance move. Rock out like you just hiked Mount Everest and you did it in a day. Rock out like you just had your first kiss in the rain. Rock out like your in love and he loves you back. Rock out like your driving your grandpa's ferrari and he just told you he wants to give it to you. Rock out like the Vikings just won the superbowl. Rock out like you just landed your first back flip on your skis. Rock out like the only way to save the human race is to dance your butt off. Rock out like its your birthday and your mom made a different cake for each year you've been alive. Rock out like you saved your brother's life. Rock out like you scored the winning goal. Rock out like your giving a concert from the top of the Empire State Building and they are chanting your name.  Rock out like somebody is paying you a million dollars to dance.  Rock out like you just escaped prison and found a billion dollars. Rock out like your hero just handed you the reins. Rock out like there aint no floor. Rock out like you get paid to disturb the peace. Rock out like the fireworks spell your name. Rock out like you just learned how to fly. Rock out like you were supposed to die on thursday and its friday. Rock out like your house burned down but your whole family and your dog made it out. Rock out like its your 120th birthday and you feel like running a marathon. Rock on out my friends, rock on out.

Introduction to Me

Welcome to the most interesting blog you will ever read. Just kidding that is way too much pressure and I totally can't handle that. I mean who could? I want to meet the person who writes the most interesting blog in the world. Wouldn't that be interesting?

Anyway. I am Mrs. Jared Allen. Let's be honest, is my name that important? This blog isn't to share my name with people, this blog is to blast through creative boundaries that I have never blasted through before. So please. Let's just forget about names.

To help you get to know me, I will tell you a few random facts.
1. My favorite animal is a flamingo (I know its weird, but I'm serious).
2. I discovered the NFL a few years ago and ever since I have been an avid watcher. My favorite team is the Minnesota Vikings. (Hence "Mrs. Jared Allen")
3.  I think kettle corn is absolutely grotesque. (How many times do you hear that word a day?)
4. My dad is the smartest man in the universe. Don't tell him I said that.
5. My secret dream is to be a back up dancer for famous singers.

Now that we know each other better, or I guess now that you know me better, feel free to read this most interesting blog in the world. I mean this pretty good blog.